I just saw this: Obama to Take First Foreign Trip as President to Canada.
I hate to break it to you, FOX News, but Canada doesn't count as a foreign trip. Sorry, try again.

In other news, I saw this on Gizmodo today:








Blendtec, eat your heart out. Make sure you check out the one where they shred the Dodge Daytona. Oh yeah.

And in case any of you still harbored thoughts that art was created on Broadway, I give you Thriller. I was almost excited at first. I saw a headline, Zombies On Broadway?, and I thought "Really? That would be AWESOME!" Then it occurred to me, that if it was on Broadway, then there would be lots of singing and dancing and other things that just don't belong in a zombie movie. Not that Thriller isn't cool, but it's nowhere near as cool as, say, Day of the Dead. But when I saw that they were going to take what was a cool 15 minute video and turn it into a Broadway musical, visions of The Times They Are A-Changin' danced in my head. I mean, is this really necessary? Can we get through life without a Michael Jackson musical? Please? Or can we at least have a Michael Jackson musical with a dancing, singing mouse that's his only real friend? Oh, wait, I just spoiled the plot for you. Sorry.

"Some people never go crazy. What truly horrible lives they must lead."

Charles Bukowski (1920 - 1994),

Today on Most Stupidest Things Ever Said, we have a new quote from a long time contributor, one who never fails to put his foot in his mouth and his hypocrisy on the table, Mr. Rush Limbaugh. Many of you may have heard that Mr. Limbaugh has been back in the media spotlight lately, with the election of a Democratic government here in the USA, his ultra-conservative views are making headlines again. Mr. Limbaugh was recently heard on his radio program saying that he hopes Barack Obama fails as President. While such a comment is not out of character, it is pretty damn rude. But our Most Stupidest Thing Ever Said comes from his EIB week in review, where he tried to back peddle his way out of trouble. Let's watch!

Speaking honestly, I mean look, people are misunderstanding this, Snerdley got a couple calls from some of his buddies last night, "What did your boss mean, he wants the president to fail?" I remain dumbfounded at the high degree, the high level of ignorance that there is out there. If it took a Drive-By reporter, Jim VandeHei of The Politico to finally understand this and to try to get the Drive-Bys up to speed on all this. But I just want to say, folks, look I support Obama. I just don't support his policies. I support our president, like I have supported all presidents. I just don't support Obama's policies. I don't support the nationalization of the banks, which has happened. I don't support the nationalization of the auto companies. I don't support the nationalization of the mortgage business. I don't like Barney Frank and Chris Dodd running things. And I don't want that to continue. But I support our president. I'm like anybody else, I support the president. I just don't support the policies.

Hey, Rush, time to get your facts straight, buddy. The nationalization of the banks? Happened under Bush. The nationalization of auto companies? Bush again. Mortgage business? Oh, right, that Bush guy started that too.

I know that in your head, saying you support the President without supporting his policies is a way to point out the "absurdity" of the statement "I support the troops, but I don't support the war," but it really doesn't work that way. You see, as Americans, we have the choice and the freedom to support or not support a war (or a President, for that matter.) And since our tax dollars go toward paying for said war, it's our duty to voice such opinions. Now, since our tax dollars also go toward paying for the armed forces, we can, in fact, say that we want our (allegedly) elected leaders to spend money on the soldiers and not the war. See the distinction yet? You can have an army and not a war. You cannot, however, say that you support a President and not his policies, because a Presidency is defined by policies. Not supporting a war means disagreeing with the President and his policies (something protected by your little friend, the first amendment), since he is the Commander in Chief. It means that you do not support the elected leaders of this country, and you are willing to exercise your right to vote them out of a job in the next election. Which is exactly what we did.

So, just so we're clear:

"I support the troops but not the war" ≠ "I support the President but not his policies"

Unless you're using support to mean that you physically take the load of the President's weight, to hold him from slipping. Are you telling us that Rush Limbaugh is the President's chair? Or are you supplying him with money? Is it that 8th definition, that you're only tolerating the President? I think that one has fallen out of common use; after all, the quote was from Samuel Johnson.

Such a difficult language, English. I know that when I say I support the troops, I mean that I advocate their welfare. I want to make sure that they get good health care, proper armor and protection, that their lives will not be squandered on a war for, say, oil. I can't say that I act in a subordinate or secondary role to any of them, but I do appreciate the fact that they're willing to get shot at. So, please, Mr. Limbaugh, elaborate on your statement. In exactly what way do you support the President, if you don't support his policies?

"When you make a mistake, admit it. If you don't, you only make matters worse."
Ward Cleaver

Well. Here it is. The last day of my second decade on Earth. T minus 2:44:26. So many things to say. I'm going to miss my youth, and all of the youthful things that I will miss; in the missing of my youthfulness. Ah, bulls***t. I'm still 22 in my head, and that's all that matters. Let's get vashnigyered!

So many things to mock, so little time:

First things first. The day that we've all been waiting for for 8 years has come and gone, and so has W. I don't know about you, but I feel better already. I still don't have a job, but at least I have hope. Let's see if the cable company will take that instead of cash.

Many of you know that W. left Pres. Obama a personal letter in the Oval Office. Well, Gizmodo has the inside scoop on what was actually in the envelope.

Also, W.'s twin daughters, Jenna and Barbara, left a letter for Obama's daughters, Sasha and Malia, giving them advice on living in the White House. Hopefully, one of the tips was to avoid getting arrested for underage drinking.

In slightly more pointless news, ESPN is holding a mock NFL draft today. Because these are things we need to worry about. Guys, in case you haven't noticed, football season hasn't ended yet. They still have that little game that gets played every winter to do yet. I know it's easy to overlook, since almost nobody pays attention to this thing, but you might want to hold off on picking any foosball players until they've got a champion. Just a thought. Oh, and, BTW, the f'n draft doesn't happen until APRIL. Stop wasting our time with this crap until at least March.

Well, I think that's all the spleen I have to vent for now. If I come up with some more, you'll be the first to know.

1:39:00 of my 20's left.

"We have a saying in the movement that we don’t trust anybody over 30."
Jack Weinberg (1940-2006)

"Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough."

Groucho Marx (1890 - 1977)

Wow. I guess it's that time of year again. The time of year where people get that glazed expression, walking around like zombies, waiting for the inevitable end of this yearly phenomenon. The time of year when hording and gluttony run rampant; when addiction and longing lead to the destruction of lives. The time of the year when that most mysterious and elusive of sandwiches reappears for a limited time only. That's right: The McRib is back! For a limited time ONLY! Why are you still reading this? You should be running RUNNING! to the car and driving at an insane speed to McDonald's RIGHT NOW so you can get your lips around the tangy tasty BBQ sauce and mystery meat that is a McRib. So what if there is no animal on earth shaped like that! It tastes GOOD! And it's MEAT! Consume mass quantities, because it's here for a LIMITED TIME ONLY! OMG! Don't know where a participating McDonald's near you is? Use the McRib Locator (I kid you not). Because what good is having a tool as powerful as the Internet if you can't use it to find artificially flavored/colored/pressed meat products? So get your ass to Micky D's now, and buy 7000 McRibs and freeze the 5000 you don't scarf down right away so that you have enough to get you through the long, cold, bleak winter of 2009 until the McRib comes around again. What are you still doing here! Go! Now!



"Like a rib, it tastes like liberty. Like a rib, with a bun of sesame. We start with authentic, letter-graded meat, and process the hell out of it, till it's good enough for Krusty."
-Ribwich ad from The Simpsons


Side effects may include: addiction, hypertension, high blood pressure, heart attack, colon cancer, leprosy, stomach ulcers, gangrene, and blindness. But who cares, it tastes good. And it's here for a LIMITED TIME ONLY!

What's that? I can't hear you! I played golf this morning. I'm still not giving up my burner.