Today in stupid protests: Facebook users wage condom campaign against Pope. That's right. A bunch of rocket surgeons on Facebook have decided to start sending condoms to the Pope, in protest of his statement that condoms do not prevent HIV. That is just brilliant. Hey, dumbasses, I've got a better idea: if you feel so strongly about it, why don't you send the condoms to AFRICA where they might actually use the damn thing. Popatine is just going to throw them in the trash, and what good does that do anyone? Hmm? You're not going to change his mind, I promise you. You're fighting centuries of dogma and repression. These people used to flagellate themselves for impure thoughts (some still do). Do you really think that sending a few thousand condoms their way is going to change their minds?
So here you go, jerks. If you're so interested in preventing AIDS in Africa, go here. Mercy Corps will take all those condoms you want to waste on a pointless protest, and put them to good use. 60,000 is alot of rubbers, and I'm sure they'll take 'em. And stop being so stupid.
"Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped."
UPDATE! Breaking News! NASA has halted the urine processor test on the International Space Station. Flight Engineer Koichi Wakata has reportedly been holding it for 18 hours now, but does not know how much longer he can. When asked for comment, station commander Mike Finkle said "Well, we don't really know what went wrong, but we're hoping that (shuttle Discovery pilot) Tony Antonelli can find us a gas station or 7-11. I mean, Koichi's been a real trooper, but he's starting to look a little yellow. I guess he shouldn't have had so much water yesterday." NASA officials on the ground had no official comment on when the problem will be fixed, other than "Depends."
On to business: economists are still puzzled by the sudden spike in Pfizer stock. Analysts say that the company, known for making the anti-depressants Zoloft and Xanax, theorize that it may be a reaction to the economic downturn.
"Many people despise wealth, but few know how to give it away."
I saw this little blurb on the news today: Astronauts get Sunday morning off after busy week. Reportedly, ISS Commander E. Michael Fincke is planning on playing 9 holes of golf with shuttle commander Lee Archambault. Flight Engineer Lonchakov is planning on visiting his family in Russia, and Engineers Chamitoff and Magnus plan on "sleeping in, maybe getting some brunch at that little place on Walnut." Flight Engineer Koichi, on the other hand, will not be getting the day off, as he drew the short straw on testing the new urine processor. Koichi was last seen drinking a whole lot of water.
That photo was taken from my front porch at 7:35 this morning, March 20, 2009. The FIRST day of SPRING. WTF!?! Haven't we had enough snow this year? Was it not 69 degrees just 2 days ago? I was wearing SHORTS for crying out loud. Screw this nonsense. I'm going back into hibernation. Wake me when it's in the 70's.
"You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by his way of eating jellybeans."
Happy St. Patrick's Day! Stay away from green beer.
2009-03-16
Hi all. You may notice a few changes around here. I've added a poll on the side there. You have until May to vote. After that, the judges will tally up the results, and explain just what the heck is going on.
I've also sold out to the man. Not The Man, just the man. I can't really talk about it, but if you take a close look, you'll notice what I mean.
Umm... yeah. That's about all I got for now. It's been pretty slow around here. My doctor said I should try not to get too excited. So I've been keeping it mellow. Yeah. 'sbout it.
"Imagination is the one weapon in the war against reality."
I came across this through Gizmodo today. The Untold Story of the World's Biggest Diamond Heist Holy crap! This story is incredible. It's told to the reporter by the mastermind of the heist, who is doing 10 years in a Belgian prison for the crime. Truly an example of truth being stranger than fiction, this guy weaves a hell of a yarn: In February 2003, Notarbartolo was arrested for heading a ring of Italian thieves. They were accused of breaking into a vault two floors beneath the Antwerp Diamond Center and making off with at least $100 million worth of loose diamonds, gold, jewelry, and other spoils. The vault was thought to be impenetrable. It was protected by 10 layers of security, including infrared heat detectors, Doppler radar, a magnetic field, a seismic sensor, and a lock with 100 million possible combinations. The robbery was called the heist of the century, and even now the police can't explain exactly how it was done.
I highly recommend you read this if you have the time. Personally, I can't wait for the movie version!
I saw this on Google news today:Balls appoints child safety adviser. Apparently, the British Parliament has a member named Ed Balls. We should get this guy together with Congressman Boehner and see what kind of cockamamie schemes they come up with.
I'm sorry. It's lonely here, and I have to entertain myself.
I enjoy this comic. There's only one problem with it: it's wrong. Bernie Madoff isn't different because he's guilty; he's different because he got caught.
"It's a rare person who wants to hear what he doesn't want to hear."
Today's show is a Bar Mtizvah, at historic Guastavino's, under the 59th St Bridge. You may recognize Guastavino's from The Celebrity Apprentice. Trump isn't here, but he might as well be.
There is something incredibly wrong with this show. I'm not sure if it's the fact that this 13 year old boy's birthday party cost more than my wedding, or if it's the 22 year old dancing girls wearing see though dresses. (I'm going with the latter.) Every time I agree to one of these things, I know I'm going to hate it, yet I agree anyway. I need to find another source of income, because these things really suck.
"Hell, there are no rules here-- we're trying to accomplish something."
Terrell Owens was released by the Dallas Cowboys on Wednesday. This may be the worst thing to happen to the Giants so far this off-season. I can't say I feel bad for T.O. If anyone deserves to be out of a job (especially these days) it's him. I fear that he won't be out of a job for long, however. I only hope he signs with the Patriots.
Enough current events.
I had jury duty this week. Wow. The excitement! The glamour! Participating in our judicial process! Let me tell you something, dear reader: Law and Order is full of shit. Real jury duty is nothing like that. I was called for one jury panel, and sat there for 4 hours while the judge asked the same 20 questions over and over and over again. Then either he or one of the lawyers would ask for a juror to be removed, and the process would start all over again. I was so relieved when the plaintiff's council finally asked that I be removed, I almost ran out of the room. Then I spent the next 2 days sitting in the jury room, waiting to be called again. It wouldn't have been so bad if they didn't have a TV in the room, tuned to the View. And Rachel Ray. And Regis and Kelly. Apparently, the 8th amendment only applies to convicts, and not to jurors.
A few other observations from the week: historic downtown Paterson NJ is incredibly scenic. And by scenic I mean "it looks like a war zone." This part of the state obviously missed out on the economic renaissance of the 1990's. I'm thinking they missed the renaissance of the 50's. There is one up side: you can save your money in these tough economic times, and instead of that trip to Mexico or Puerto Rico, just go to Paterson!
I noticed something else: remember how, in high school, all the kids wanted to sit in the back of the bus? Eventually, the pecking order was established and the cool kids wound up there; at least until they could drive. Well, as we get older, we apparently switch priorities, and now jostle to be first on the bus so we can sit up front. This gets us off the bus first. My question is: why are we in such a hurry? You're just going to have to wait somewhere else.
"Stay centered by accepting whatever you are doing. This is the ultimate."
There used to be this really great little blurb here about how this box could be used for text. Unfortunately, the writer of that blurb did not believe that his text had actually made it into such a prominent position in such a widely followed blog. Sadly, said writer left us, and so we post this memorial to him.
