Ok, so, here it is, the post you've all been waiting for! Big news in the last two months, I know some of you have heard, but yes, it is true, I'm not on tour with
Guster this spring. I know it's a big disappointment, and I was really looking forward to it, but, what can you do. On the plus side, they're doing two shows at the
Beacon theatre this April and another two in Boston that they want me involved with, so that should be fun. Let's see, what else? Oh! I saw
BB King the other night at
NJPAC. For 81 years old, he still puts on an amazing show. And yes, I'm sure he's 81, cuz he told the audience about 81 times that he was 81. Got to go to Miami a few weeks ago for a pre
Stupid Bowl fund raiser event that totally sucked. I mean,
South Beach was kind of cool, the 15 minutes I got to spend there when we weren't working, but the gig itself was stupid. It was some kind of auction/ fund raiser for a local hospital. Really expensive dinners. But nobody wanted to bid on any of the crap. They had 3
Porsches for sale, and only one sold, and even then they barely got sticker for it. The best part tho: these rich peoples spent all kinds of money for dinner, and then most of them didn't even eat! Ah well...
What else? Oh, I had a really great birthday party on the 19th of January. All kinds of family and friends and even my neighbors from upstairs came with their two kids... it was great.
So I just need to break in here with a little rant: I'm going to shave my head and start hitting cars with umbrellas and nobody's going to notice. Why? Because I don't have millions of dollars. Get over it, people. Women (and men) go crazy every day. Do we really need second by second coverage of this particular one? Do we really care so much about a couple of pieces of white trash that we need to spend WEEKS on it? And yet, here I am talking about it! SONOFA! Here's what I want you to do: if you want me to continue this subject, in fact, if you've spent more than 30 seconds even THINKING about
Anna Nicole Smith or
Brittany Spears in the last two weeks, then go out and have yourself
sterilized. And if you already have children, go have them sterilized too. It's for the good of Humanity, really.
Well, now that I've got that off my chest, on to better things: the race for President, 2008. Oh Boy! It's one year 'til the
first primary, and the race is ON! Who will
win? Who will
lose? Who will get completely
humiliated (could he be from Massachusetts? I think so!) Who will make a complete ass out of himself, again? (
Rep. Kucinich, we're looking in your direction, and will you please stand closer to
Rev. Sharpton? Thanks.) Look folks, what it comes down to is this: you don't have a choice. It's really that simple. Unless you're contributing
MILLIONS of dollars to these campaigns, you're just another chance for one of these
soulless blood suckers to look good on national TV,
when they shake your hand. Oh, look,
Hillary likes black people. Wow, Barak is so well spoken. And he's so
popular in Hollywood, oh wow. Cuz actors know so much about politics, so whomever SAG chooses, that's who I'll vote for. Unless
Bono says not to. Look,
Johnny Mac is against abortion. He's the guy for me. Phooey. I'm voting for
Jon Stewart. Why? Because of all the people in the media and government, he's the one that can't screw this place up any worse than it already is. He might not make things better, but his policies will all be the same:
mug for the camera. Foreign policy: meet with Prime Minister,
mug for the camera. Domestic policy: meet with governors,
mug for the camera. Social policy: meet with Union leaders, mug for the camera. Health care: doctors, mug. Social Security: AARP, mug. You get the idea. I think it's in our best interests, really, because Jon Stewart makes no bones about working for the people. He's the only honest one out there. And with
Steven Colbert as his VP, nobody's gonna want to hurt him, because nobody would even DREAM of putting Colbert in charge. Goodbye Democracy! It's time people. Do something more stupider than last time! Vote for Jon Stewart!
Ok, well, that's about all... it pretty much catches up on the last two months. There's some other things, but nothing all too important, I guess. Pretty much life as usual. Well, I did get engaged at Christmas. But you already knew about that. Don't ask when the wedding is. I don't know. See, the thing is, that if we set a date, then we actually have to PLAN the damn thing... and we don't want to do that, really. It just makes it that much easier if we fly off to Vegas and do that. We'll let you know... until then, ta!
"Strange as it seems, no amount of learning can cure stupidity, and higher education positively fortifies it."
Stephen Vizinczey
Now, I think it needs to be said that crabs are not cool. Ever. Not that I would know from personal experience, but it really is kinda gross.
