So bored. Hi gang. So I'm stuck here at this wedding, listening to this horrid cover band, and waiting for the Giants game to start. I've discovered that NFL.com lets you stream Sunday and Thursday night football games. Bonus. Uh oh, it's the 'my pussah' song. You know, the "Please Don't Stop the Music" one, that all you really want is for the music to stop. Oh boy, now it's cake cutting time! Can't this thing be over.

Earlier today, the maid of honor was trying to describe to me how she wanted the room to look for the ceremony, and she said "How would you want this room to look if it was your wedding?" to which I replied "No, I already made that decision this year. This one's up to you."

I've been doing alot of weddings and bar mitzvahs the last few weeks. And it sucks. But a paycheck is a paycheck.

Just a tip to all you youngsters out there planning a wedding: check out the music you plan on using for the ceremony before you make a final decision. Yesterday, I worked a wedding that used November Rain by Guns 'N Roses as their walk in music. Now, I know some of you recoil just because it's Guns 'N Roses, but it was played by a string quintet, so there was an attempt at class.









I don't know how many of you are familiar with this song, but it's got to be the most horrible song I've ever heard playing at a wedding. Just look at the first line of the song: When I look into your eyes, I can see a love restrained. Doesn't that just say everlasting love to you? Just because the video is about a wedding, does not make the song a love song. In fact, if you WATCHED the damn video, you'd know it's a song about a wedding that FAILS. In fact, it fails before the end of the wedding reception. So people, please, I beg you, use your brain once in a while, ok?

And now: Crimes Against Spandex!

Exhibit A


Exhibit B

Exhibit C

I rest my case. I'm going to go vomit now.

"I hope life isn't a big joke, because I don't get it."

Jack Handey (1949 - )