In case you missed this during the last election, and for all you Sarah Palin sympathizers out there:

The Daily Show With Jon StewartM - Th 11p / 10c

Sarah Palin Gender Card

Barack Obama Interview
John McCain Interview

Sarah Palin Video
Funny Election Video

If any of you out there are wondering why it's been 40 years since NASA has sent anyone to the moon or beyond, here's a little hint: Columbia disaster 'not survivable', NASA concludes. Yeah, you read that right. It's taken them 5 years to figure out what 7 astronauts could have told you in 3 seconds. A note to newspaper type people out there: please think before you print some of these headlines, ok? At least make Leno work for a living.

I saw this at the supermarket yesterday. I'd really like to know what was going through the mind of the person who wrote it, because it makes my brain hurt:

I wish I had a witty comment for this, but I think it speaks for itself:




Merry New Year!

"I do not want people to be agreeable, as it saves me the trouble of liking them."

Jane Austen

FDA OKs 1st Eyelash Drug Latisse

That's right. You read that correctly. Finally, after all those years of thin, light eyelashes, you can now buy a drug that will thicken and darken lashes. I can't tell you how excited I am by this. It's like a dream come true. I've been so ashamed to go out in public, because I just know everyone is looking at my eyelashes and thinking "Wow, it must be so hard living like that." But not anymore! No sir! Now, with Latisse I can have the confidence to show my face in public knowing that my eyelashes are thick and full and bushy and dark and hairy and gorgeous! Thank you, Allergan! You have answered my prayers!

In other news, still no cure for AIDS, cancer, Alzheimer's, Parkinson's, or hundreds of other crippling, fatal diseases. You may be dead, but your eyelashes will look great, and your dick will be hard! Happy New Year!

"The years passed, mankind became stupider at a frightening rate. Some had high hopes the genetic engineering would correct this trend in evolution, but sadly the greatest minds and resources where focused on conquering hair loss and prolonging erections. "

-Idiocracy

I saw this ad on TV last night. I have to wonder just who thought that a snowman selling cell phone service was a good idea. As you can see, we're winning the war on drugs.

No. You're not.

Sorry, gang. That's all I got. I'm gonna go back to cleaning the house now.

"The last time somebody said, 'I find I can write much better with a word processor.', I replied, 'They used to say the same thing about drugs.'"
Roy Blount Jr.

And, for those of you who missed the reception...

I know it was a while ago when I promised wedding pics, but here you go.

So, as many of you know, President Bush yesterday was nearly shoed by an irate Iraqi reporter. In case you've been in a cave for the last 24 hours, here's the video:





Now, I can't really say I disagree with the guy. He was pissed about all the people that have died since the US invaded. I really hope that he gets a fair trial and a fair punishment. While I have to agree that he does have a right to freedom of speech and expression, that does not include violence against another living thing (even if said living thing was George W. Bush.)

Having said that, I just want to know one thing: where the hell was the Secret Service? Why was nobody flying across that lectern to take a shoe for the President? The prime minister of Iraq was doing more to protect the guy then his own body guards were. What's up, fellas? Just because Georgie gave up on being President 18 months ago doesn't mean you can too. If Hollywood has taught me anything, it's that every Secret Service agent wants nothing more than to take a bullet for the POTUS. So why not a shoe? Not dignified enough? BTW, nice moves Georgie. Good to see you're keeping fit.

In a related story, some of you may know that I got laid off last week. This is allegedly a temporary "hiccup" (their word, not mine) and should be over some time around February. We'll see. In the mean time, I urge you to keep up the letters to Ed McMahon. I figure, if I can get that million dollars between now and Feb., I won't have to go back. It could happen to me!

On the plus side, I'll now have all kinds of time to blog. Arent' you lucky!

"In all recorded history there has not been one economist who has had to worry about where the next meal would come from."

Peter Drucker (1909 - 2005)

Wow. This is too good. Over at J&D's website (jdfoods.net) you can buy quite possibly one of the most offensive items of the holiday season: a menorah of bacon flavored salt. That's right goyim and mensches, you can have your own 8 days of bacony goodness, and it's Kosher, too! I'm not really sure how that works, but damn it's funny. And in case that's not enough bacon for you, you can also get the Baconnaise case. Ugh, I think I blocked an artery just typing that.

Forget that! Check this out! Holy Crap! Can it be May now?

"Never mind that shit! Here comes Mongo! "

Olson Johnson, Blazing Saddles

This is pretty self explanatory. Add your own snarky comment here.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I have an announcement to make:

I know what I want for Christmas this year. THIS.

It's ok. You can go in on it together.

In other news, let's discuss how sad this is: Lance Bass Says Britney's Poised for 'Comeback of All Time'.

That's right. Someone whose career is over commenting on someone whose career should be over, in the grand daddy of don't care. I mean, really? Lance Bass? What, was Justin Timberlake too busy? Were the New Kids on the Block not commenting on this one? How about Color Me Badd? I know Milli Vanilli is dead, so it's kinda hard to get their take on the whole thing, but couldn't you at least try? This is what's wrong with the press today. They no longer have any pride in their work. Harrumph.

"Sanity is a madness put to good use."

George Santayana (1863 - 1952)