FDA OKs 1st Eyelash Drug Latisse

That's right. You read that correctly. Finally, after all those years of thin, light eyelashes, you can now buy a drug that will thicken and darken lashes. I can't tell you how excited I am by this. It's like a dream come true. I've been so ashamed to go out in public, because I just know everyone is looking at my eyelashes and thinking "Wow, it must be so hard living like that." But not anymore! No sir! Now, with Latisse I can have the confidence to show my face in public knowing that my eyelashes are thick and full and bushy and dark and hairy and gorgeous! Thank you, Allergan! You have answered my prayers!

In other news, still no cure for AIDS, cancer, Alzheimer's, Parkinson's, or hundreds of other crippling, fatal diseases. You may be dead, but your eyelashes will look great, and your dick will be hard! Happy New Year!

"The years passed, mankind became stupider at a frightening rate. Some had high hopes the genetic engineering would correct this trend in evolution, but sadly the greatest minds and resources where focused on conquering hair loss and prolonging erections. "

-Idiocracy