Greetings and Salutations! Here I am, another fantabluar day at the Blender (TM) Theatre at Gramercy! Ain't corporations grand!

So today's show is Brand New. Apparently, they're not. But hey, it's work. The crew is all excited because it's the last day of the tour (or at least, as excited as one can get for the last day of the tour when one has to go to Australia for 2 weeks after.) Ah well, such is life on the road. Me, on the other hand, I get to stay home. Yeah. I can always look forward to Mary J Bilge next week (yeah, that gig's not even happening on the 2nd anymore... whether I like it or not).

So it looks like this gig will be up soon anyway. And then what do I do for the summer? Who knows? I dunno.

I played golf yesterday with my dad. Shot 99. Wow. The real story is that I now need to buy a new driver. We test drove the new Taylor Made Burner... oh my oh my oh my. It was so nice to hit. And the ball went so far and straight and I didn't even have to try... it was, to over use an over used phrase, "bad ass." I need one. I think maybe I won't eat for a month or so and then I can afford it.

I wanted to end this with some great sentence or phrase that would make you think for a while, but I got nothin'. I guess that's why I do what I do and am not a motivational speaker or whatever. So here's your quote:

"Do not fear death so much, but rather the inadequate life."

Bertolt Brecht (1898 - 1956)

So I saw this article on Google News today: Voters welcome ban on illegal immigrant leases. Basically, what this is saying is that in Farmers Branch, Tx, 7 out of 10 of the residents think it should be illegal for a landlord to rent a house or apartment to an illegal immigrant. While I can understand this, and realize that it creates a strain on public services, and I even sympathize; putting all this into a law seems wrong to me. I don't really know why, except, to paraphrase that Blue Collar Comedy guy, "Heres' your sign:"


Thought we were over that kind of thing.

"A man's homeland is wherever he prospers."

Aristophanes (450 BC - 388 BC)

Well, here it is, as promised: photos of the pirate wedding. Enjoy!

Arr... that's me booty!

Short John Silver himself! And no, Jordan did not lose his leg.

Capt. Morgan showed up. Boy did he.

Cake by Chris, the bride's mother. Awesome.


The Groom and his fambily.

The whole weddin' party.


Will the real Groucho please stand up?

Capt. Jack Sparrow and his trusty first mate, Groucho.

And, finally, the captain's trusty vessel!

"Jack Sparrow: [With his back to Elizabeth, thinking that she is a man] Come to join my crew, son?
Elizabeth Swann: I'm here to find my true love.
Jack Sparrow: [Startled] Deeply flattered, boy, but my first and only love is the sea.
Elizabeth Swann: Meaning Will Turner, Jack.
Jack Sparrow: [Turning around] Elizabeth!
[to a crew member]
Jack Sparrow: Hide the rum."

-Pirates of the Carribean: Dead Man's Chest

Friends, I've come here today to tell you about a wonderful new product. What is it, you're asking yourself? Well, it's just the most inspirational, flabbergasting, sensational, absolutely un-live-without-able (hey, if it works for the President...) product you've never seen before! Introducing Joost! Joost is on demand, over the Internet TV. That's right. The way it works is this: you download the Joost client on your computer, then choose the show you want to watch, and the show downloads to your machine. The best part: it's 100% FREE. Now, here's the thing: right now, Joost is in Beta, which means that the software is not 100%. But you can download it and test it and let the developers know what's wrong with it. And they'll fix it. And when it comes out in version 1.0, well, you'll be on the top of the list to get it! Yeah! One other thing: the way Joost works, the more people who sign up, the better content they can get. Why? Because Joost puts a small amount of content on your machine, which can then be accessed by other Joost members. So the more members they have, the more content they can offer. And with their new partnership with Viacom, they'll be able to offer more of your favorite shows, like content from Nickelodeon and Comedy Central. Sound good? Sign up today! Interested? Email me, and I'll send you a link to get in on the Beta.

"Advertising is a valuable economic factor because it is the cheapest way of selling goods, particularly if the goods are worthless."

Sinclair Lewis (1885 - 1951)

Hi gang. Sorry to be away for so long, but things have been busy. Let's see, a quick recap of what's happened since Easter:

Six nights with Henry Rollins, Janeane Garafalo, and Mark Maron at the Gramercy. Henry did his "spoken word" which is basically an hour of him ranting on stage. It was most entertaining, and rather educational. I highly recommend it. Mark Maron was also quite funny, and I recommend seeing his show as well.

Then came two weeks of Guster. Awesome. First was two nights at the Beacon theatre in NYC. The crowds were huge, the shows were awesome, and they even got Two Points for Honesty dead on. Sweet. Next week, at the Opera house in Boston, was even better. I must say this: you've never seen a Guster show until you've seen a Guster show in Boston. Unbelievable. Although I was a little scared when the whole crowd began chanting "Let's Go Red Sawks!" in the middle of Empire State. (The Sawks were playing the Yankees that weekend, and more than once did the Yankee haters let fly.) But the haters didn't get this playa down, oh no. We went to karaoke night after the first show, it was quite interesting. The crew sang Careful, together, at the same time, mostly. Someone pointed out afterwards that it was funny the way we all had to read the words off the TV, like we hadn't heard the song 4,000 times before. Then there was the Boston Anime convention going on at the mall across the street from our hotel. Some people have WAY too much time on their hands. The costumes we saw were not only intricate and fanciful, but could only be described like this: supergeek. Overall, however, it was a great time and can't wait to do it again. For more, and for the "Bob Saget" story, look here.

After that, I spent most of my time prepping for the Robin Hood foundation's annual fundraiser/circus at the Jacob K. Javits Convention Center. Now, faithful readers (both of you) know how much I enjoy the JKJCC, with it's IBEW hands and Teamsters who move at the speed of slow. That's why you schedule a 4 day load in for a 3 hour dinner/show. Our main objective was to light the stage for Aerosmith's headline performance. Simple, right? Well, it actually was. The stage went up, the lights went on, and all of them ACTUALLY WORKED! What a concept. Then came the wrinkle. See, we had to put up exit signs all around the building because we put of drapery in front of the exits. Well, this sounds easy, but in fact, is something akin to rocket surgery, because it took 2 DAYS to hang 16 signs. OMFG! Well, that's enough of that. I'm just getting myself all worked up over nothing.

So now I'm in Daytona, for Amanda's brother's wedding. The wedding was Saturday night, and it was a blast. It was a pirate themed wedding, and most of us dressed up in costumes. I'll get some pictures to you as soon as I can get them off my camera. (which may not be til I get back home on Friday. Sorry) I'm going to go back to relaxing, and I'll get back with some photos soon... honest.

One last thing: I found this blog today, it's quite funny. It's called Steve Don't Eat It. And it's exactly what it sounds like. Don't read it while eating. Or soon after eating. Or before eating. Or while thinking about considering eating. Otherwise, enjoy!

"When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, 'Did you sleep good?' I said 'No, I made a few mistakes.'"

Steven Wright (1955 - )