So I was thinking yesterday about someone I haven't thought about for many years: Dick Trickle. I don't really know why, mind you, I just was. So I was wondering, what happened to good ol' Dick? For those of you not in on it, Dick Trickle is a real guy. He was a NASCAR driver for about 15 years, and his real claim to fame is that SportsCenter used to report on his finish in every race, mostly so they could say "Dick Trickle" on air and the FCC could do nothing about it. Well, Dick, despite being "America's Winningest Driver" (over 1,200 estimated career wins), just disappeared about 5 years ago. So where's Dick? Where's he been? Where's he going? Even Google doesn't have the answer. So disappointing.

In other news: I'm going on tour again. Don't ask me who with, because I don't know yet; but at some point in mid-July I'll be going, and coming back in August some time. It all depends on which group BML decides to send me with. Joy! More info to come...

Until then, goodnight, Dick Trickle, wherever you are!

"I play with my tractors and live somewhat of a family life and just try to enjoy trying to retire sooner or later. "
Dick Trickle

Hey gang. So much going on in the last two weeks, oh my. Mary J Bilge, then Melt Banana (Japanese hardcore. Think Yoko Ono sings Iron Maiden, and you get the drift.), a run in with Opie and Anthony and their band of misfit comics (I've never heard the C-word so many times in my LIFE!), and now I'm off to Asbury Park for the 2007 School of Rock Festival. No, it has nothing to do with Jack Black, but it's apparently a real school. It should be fun, lots of bands and stuff going on... Ween is the headliner the first night, with the Benevento Russo Duo and Jeff Baxter as the openers. Sunday night is headlined by Bad Brains, with Jello Biafra (of the Dead Kennedys) and Vernon Reid (of Living Colour) opening. All in all, a full weekend.

So I just wanted to post this link: Research Finds Firstborns Gain the Higher IQ and say boo-yah! If the NY Times prints it, it must be true!

"It has yet to be proven that intelligence has any survival value."

Arthur C. Clarke (1917 - )

Just saw this: Paris survives first night in jail. How disappointing. My trust in the quality of LA counties jails has seriously dropped. Ah well... 20 more days to go, anything can happen. Keep it tuned to the 24 Paris watch on CNN!

"Misery no longer loves company. Nowadays it insists on it."
Russell Baker (1925 - )

Greetings and Salutations! Here I am, another fantabluar day at the Blender (TM) Theatre at Gramercy! Ain't corporations grand!

So today's show is Brand New. Apparently, they're not. But hey, it's work. The crew is all excited because it's the last day of the tour (or at least, as excited as one can get for the last day of the tour when one has to go to Australia for 2 weeks after.) Ah well, such is life on the road. Me, on the other hand, I get to stay home. Yeah. I can always look forward to Mary J Bilge next week (yeah, that gig's not even happening on the 2nd anymore... whether I like it or not).

So it looks like this gig will be up soon anyway. And then what do I do for the summer? Who knows? I dunno.

I played golf yesterday with my dad. Shot 99. Wow. The real story is that I now need to buy a new driver. We test drove the new Taylor Made Burner... oh my oh my oh my. It was so nice to hit. And the ball went so far and straight and I didn't even have to try... it was, to over use an over used phrase, "bad ass." I need one. I think maybe I won't eat for a month or so and then I can afford it.

I wanted to end this with some great sentence or phrase that would make you think for a while, but I got nothin'. I guess that's why I do what I do and am not a motivational speaker or whatever. So here's your quote:

"Do not fear death so much, but rather the inadequate life."

Bertolt Brecht (1898 - 1956)

So I saw this article on Google News today: Voters welcome ban on illegal immigrant leases. Basically, what this is saying is that in Farmers Branch, Tx, 7 out of 10 of the residents think it should be illegal for a landlord to rent a house or apartment to an illegal immigrant. While I can understand this, and realize that it creates a strain on public services, and I even sympathize; putting all this into a law seems wrong to me. I don't really know why, except, to paraphrase that Blue Collar Comedy guy, "Heres' your sign:"


Thought we were over that kind of thing.

"A man's homeland is wherever he prospers."

Aristophanes (450 BC - 388 BC)

Well, here it is, as promised: photos of the pirate wedding. Enjoy!

Arr... that's me booty!

Short John Silver himself! And no, Jordan did not lose his leg.

Capt. Morgan showed up. Boy did he.

Cake by Chris, the bride's mother. Awesome.


The Groom and his fambily.

The whole weddin' party.


Will the real Groucho please stand up?

Capt. Jack Sparrow and his trusty first mate, Groucho.

And, finally, the captain's trusty vessel!

"Jack Sparrow: [With his back to Elizabeth, thinking that she is a man] Come to join my crew, son?
Elizabeth Swann: I'm here to find my true love.
Jack Sparrow: [Startled] Deeply flattered, boy, but my first and only love is the sea.
Elizabeth Swann: Meaning Will Turner, Jack.
Jack Sparrow: [Turning around] Elizabeth!
[to a crew member]
Jack Sparrow: Hide the rum."

-Pirates of the Carribean: Dead Man's Chest

Friends, I've come here today to tell you about a wonderful new product. What is it, you're asking yourself? Well, it's just the most inspirational, flabbergasting, sensational, absolutely un-live-without-able (hey, if it works for the President...) product you've never seen before! Introducing Joost! Joost is on demand, over the Internet TV. That's right. The way it works is this: you download the Joost client on your computer, then choose the show you want to watch, and the show downloads to your machine. The best part: it's 100% FREE. Now, here's the thing: right now, Joost is in Beta, which means that the software is not 100%. But you can download it and test it and let the developers know what's wrong with it. And they'll fix it. And when it comes out in version 1.0, well, you'll be on the top of the list to get it! Yeah! One other thing: the way Joost works, the more people who sign up, the better content they can get. Why? Because Joost puts a small amount of content on your machine, which can then be accessed by other Joost members. So the more members they have, the more content they can offer. And with their new partnership with Viacom, they'll be able to offer more of your favorite shows, like content from Nickelodeon and Comedy Central. Sound good? Sign up today! Interested? Email me, and I'll send you a link to get in on the Beta.

"Advertising is a valuable economic factor because it is the cheapest way of selling goods, particularly if the goods are worthless."

Sinclair Lewis (1885 - 1951)

Hi gang. Sorry to be away for so long, but things have been busy. Let's see, a quick recap of what's happened since Easter:

Six nights with Henry Rollins, Janeane Garafalo, and Mark Maron at the Gramercy. Henry did his "spoken word" which is basically an hour of him ranting on stage. It was most entertaining, and rather educational. I highly recommend it. Mark Maron was also quite funny, and I recommend seeing his show as well.

Then came two weeks of Guster. Awesome. First was two nights at the Beacon theatre in NYC. The crowds were huge, the shows were awesome, and they even got Two Points for Honesty dead on. Sweet. Next week, at the Opera house in Boston, was even better. I must say this: you've never seen a Guster show until you've seen a Guster show in Boston. Unbelievable. Although I was a little scared when the whole crowd began chanting "Let's Go Red Sawks!" in the middle of Empire State. (The Sawks were playing the Yankees that weekend, and more than once did the Yankee haters let fly.) But the haters didn't get this playa down, oh no. We went to karaoke night after the first show, it was quite interesting. The crew sang Careful, together, at the same time, mostly. Someone pointed out afterwards that it was funny the way we all had to read the words off the TV, like we hadn't heard the song 4,000 times before. Then there was the Boston Anime convention going on at the mall across the street from our hotel. Some people have WAY too much time on their hands. The costumes we saw were not only intricate and fanciful, but could only be described like this: supergeek. Overall, however, it was a great time and can't wait to do it again. For more, and for the "Bob Saget" story, look here.

After that, I spent most of my time prepping for the Robin Hood foundation's annual fundraiser/circus at the Jacob K. Javits Convention Center. Now, faithful readers (both of you) know how much I enjoy the JKJCC, with it's IBEW hands and Teamsters who move at the speed of slow. That's why you schedule a 4 day load in for a 3 hour dinner/show. Our main objective was to light the stage for Aerosmith's headline performance. Simple, right? Well, it actually was. The stage went up, the lights went on, and all of them ACTUALLY WORKED! What a concept. Then came the wrinkle. See, we had to put up exit signs all around the building because we put of drapery in front of the exits. Well, this sounds easy, but in fact, is something akin to rocket surgery, because it took 2 DAYS to hang 16 signs. OMFG! Well, that's enough of that. I'm just getting myself all worked up over nothing.

So now I'm in Daytona, for Amanda's brother's wedding. The wedding was Saturday night, and it was a blast. It was a pirate themed wedding, and most of us dressed up in costumes. I'll get some pictures to you as soon as I can get them off my camera. (which may not be til I get back home on Friday. Sorry) I'm going to go back to relaxing, and I'll get back with some photos soon... honest.

One last thing: I found this blog today, it's quite funny. It's called Steve Don't Eat It. And it's exactly what it sounds like. Don't read it while eating. Or soon after eating. Or before eating. Or while thinking about considering eating. Otherwise, enjoy!

"When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, 'Did you sleep good?' I said 'No, I made a few mistakes.'"

Steven Wright (1955 - )

Happy Easter! And now, for your viewing pleasure:




Enjoy!

This is the greatest idea ever. We should hire professionals to watch every supermarket check out, every television studio, and every hair salon in the country. Even mentioning certain people gets you 10,000 volts! Brilliant!

Well. Today we have reached a totally new level of stupid. I don't know how many of you have heard about this Chocolate Jesus controversy, but it's beyond ludicrous. To summarize, the Roger Smith Lab Gallery in Manhattan was scheduled to display a sculpture of Jesus Christ on the cross this week for two hours every day. The sculpture was done by a man named Cosimo Cavallaro, an artist known mostly for working in food. Now, these tiny brained morons at the Catholic League for Religious and Civil Rights have decided that two things about this sculpture "offend" them: 1. the fact that Christ is depicted nude, and 2. the fact that it's "brown" chocolate and not white. I have the perfect solution to this problem, really. We take everyone who's offended by this display, send them to a remote part of Pennsylvania, and remove them from the breeding pool with extreme prejudice. Seriously. If you're too stupid to realize that a. Christ was probably brown skinned, and b. odds are he was hung on that cross naked, cuz that's the way Romans did things; then get out of the pool; your ideas and beliefs are no longer needed in society, thank you for playing, and enjoy your time in hell.

I think my favorite part of this whole thing is that these people claim to be fighting for "Civil Rights" (it's in the name!). Well, what about freedom of speech? I think that's the first one, isn't it? Where is Mr. Cavallaro's freedom of speech? Where's his freedom to express himself? From the Catholic League's own website "When the religious freedom rights of any American are threatened, the Catholic League stands ready to fight for justice in the courts." Well, boys, put your money where your mouth is. Maybe, just maybe, if you narrow minded jerks took a minute to LOOK at the piece of artwork before judging it, you might actually like it. But, no, you're the same idiots who think that Michelangelo's David or Botticelli's Birth of Venus is obscene. You thing that the human form is gross and disgusting, yet your own holy scripture says that we were created in the form of God. I think Mayor Bloomberg (who I'm not usually quick to agree with) hit the nail right on the head this time. He said "If you want to give the guy some publicity, talk more about it, make a big fuss. If you want to really hurt him, don't pay attention." Well, it's time to make a fuss. You can contact the Roger Smith Gallery here. Let them know how stupid this whole thing is, and that this display should be shown, because if you let one group constantly dictate what kind of art we show in this country, then we're really no better than Soviet Russia or Red China. Just because this is a religious group and not the state makes it no better.

Please don't take this rant to be anti-Catholic. While my views on religion and Catholicism may have bled into this a little, this is mostly anti-Stupid. These people have reached a new level of stupid, and they're using their religious beliefs as an excuse for it. If I was a practicing Catholic, I would be EXTREMELY offended by it, because people like these are the ones who give Catholics and Christians and religious people in general a bad name. They're called zealots, and will continue in their stupidity and ignorance until the more moderate of us do something about it. What can you do? Join these organizations. Make your voice heard. Moderation can only come from within. If your elected representatives know that these blowhards don't represent you, that they're just a small group of ignorant people with big mouths, then we can avoid situations like this one. Otherwise, we might as well all go live in Iran.

"Don't be sweet, lest you be eaten up; don't be bitter, lest you be spewed out."

Jewish Proverb

"What you don't see with your eyes, don't invent with your mouth.

Jewish Proverb

Hey kids, just felt the need to share this list from The Onion.com AV Club (good reading, highly recommended.) The Way Of The Swayze: How To Be A Thoughtful Hunk. Yeah. That's right. And if you can handle that, then you're just one step away from Steve McQueen awesomeness. If not, well, then, there's always Chuck Norris...

"It's not getting up there that bothers me. It's staying up there that I mind."
-Steve McQueen, The Magnificent Seven

What's up, all you fine peoples out there in blogger land! I'm not ignoring you, honest, just crazy busy! Been working at the Gramercy alot, and since there's (still) no Internet access there, it's been kinda hard to keep up. But I haven't forgotten my faithful readers (both of you. Hi Mom!)

So, yeah, between the Gram and getting ready for the big Guster show at the Beacon, that's pretty much been my life. I think I've seen Amanda twice in the last two weeks, other than to say "goodnight" or "good morning." And even then, one of us is half asleep. But, hey, I could be on tour, right? Yeah.

Watched Casino Royale last week. I highly recommend it. Best Bond film in 20 years. Ok, well, maybe since Goldeneye. But still damn good. And I know it's been said, many times, many ways; but Daniel Craig is easily the #2 all time Bond, after Mr. Connery, of course. Many people have said that they don't really get in to Bond films, that they think they're boring and formulaic. Well, to those people I say this: yes, you're right. But not this one. There's actually a new script for this one. And it's good. Just make sure you go potty before watching, as it is a long film. Got it? Ok, moving on.

So, we have Mika coming up tonight at the Gram. I know you've never heard of him, but check it out. Very odd kind of British thing going on there, not really sure how to describe it except that it's kind of like he ate a copy of Yellow Submarine and just keeps pooping it out. The man at table 3 said EXTRA magic mushrooms on that salad, thank you.

So, here's some pics from earlier in the week. Enjoy!

Into Eternity: Canuck Death Metal.

The Haunted: Swedish Death Metal. No bikini team, either. Bummer.

Macy Gray, pop diva. Not really, she was pretty cool.

"I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don't know the answer."
-- Douglas Adams

So, I don't know how many of you enjoyed my random thought for the day, because apparently no one cares. But that's OK: it was a random thought.

Here's a not-so-random thought: while reading the news today, I noticed this little gem in the San Fransisco (not Frisco, never Frisco, they hate that) Chronicle: Bush Warns Dems to Take Offer in Firings. Now, I don't know about you, faithful reader that you are, but this article reminds me of another President, one who had a hostile Congress of the opposite party calling for his impeachment, albeit on a slightly more trivial matter. Gee, just who could that be? Oh, right, him. More on that here. And, I just want to say this: it may make me a bad American for never having seen his Presidential portrait before, but damn if that isn't the gayest looking Presidential portrait I've ever seen. I mean, why couldn't he just have Monica painted in there, in just the right position. Then it would be the coolest Presidential portrait ever.

And just look at the first paragraph of that bio. Here, I'll link to it again. Hard to believe, isn't it?

Anyway, getting back to Pres. Shrub, I just want to use this quote:

Bush said he would aggressively fight in court any attempt to subpoena White House aides.

"If the staff of a president operated in constant fear of being hauled before various committees to discuss internal deliberations, the president would not receive candid advice and the American people would be ill-served," he [Pres. Bush] said. "I'm sorry the situation has gotten to where it's got, but that's Washington, D.C., for you. You know there's a lot of politics in this town."

Two things bother me here. 1. The fact that Bush uses the same argument to cover up his reasons for firing federal prosecutors that disagreed with him as Clinton used to try to keep his staff from testifying about Monica. Where's the outrage, people? When ol' Bill used this tactic, the pundit-sphere (yeah, that's right.) went crazy-nuts. Yet why isn't anyone losing their mind over this?

2. Bush says "there's a lot of politics in this town." like it's a friggin' revelation or something! Come ON! Politics?!? In Washington D.C.? No, I can't believe it. a nflkjas7feingu.!

Ok, that's enough of THAT. Look! Kittens!




Awww.....


So, I know I promised a rant about Ann Coulter and what a C-Word she is, but I'm thinking it's better to take this approach: ignore it, and it'll go away. At least, that's what I'm hoping this self-hating closet lesbian will do. Oh, did I say that out loud?


"If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?"

Art Hoppe

I wanted to give you a silly picture today, but I just couldn't find one. SO I'll give you a crazy thought instead: if one truly is the loneliest number, then why is 13 unlucky? Who makes these decisions? How do I get on that committee? Can we do something about 27?

Hey gang, just a shortie before work today. A few observations:

1. Just who does Tom DeLay think he is? Now, many of you know, I try not to watch TV news shows because they make me angry and I start yelling at the TV. But I happened to catch part of Meet the Press with Tim Russert yesterday, and Mr. DeLay was talking about the Iraq war when he said this:

"FMR. REP. DeLAY: Well, I--it, it is my opinion that when you go to war, we ought to all come together. You can debate going to war, that's a legitimate debate. But once you have our soldiers and our, our young people dying on the battlefield, we should come together, and we shouldn't have what we had yesterday on the Mall of, of, of--in Washington, D.C. When the--those are not, in my mind--my opinion, patriots that are talking about impeaching the commander in chief, that are--that are--work as, as Tom's group works....

MR. RUSSERT: But setting a date for--is setting a date for withdrawal...

FMR. REP. DeLAY: ...every step of the day, undermine--I think it's aiding and abetting the enemy. When you tell the enemy what your strategy is, that's aiding and abetting the enemy because they can use that strategy to come back and harm your soldiers."

Can someone please inform Mr. DeLay that these "not patriots" are in fact using the very freedom of speech that he sent soldiers to Iraq to supposedly defend? And, if we look at history (like his debate opponent here, Rep. Joe Sestak (D-PA)) , you'll see that when, in the past, we've set deadlines for withdrawal, they tend to work in favor of our troops. Like in Vietnam. And Kosovo. And Somalia. When it's time to go, it's time to go. And calling for that publicly is not a terrorist act, Tom. It's your duty as an American citizen. You stupid douche.

2. I don't know how many of you have heard about this one, but apparently some kid in Alaska decided it would be a good idea to put up a banner that said "Bong Hits for Jesus" at a rally when the Olympic torch passed through in 2002. His high school principal did not agree, and the case has finally reached the Supreme Court. Now, this is an important free speech issue and all, but I'd just like to say this: maybe some bong hits would be a good thing for Jesus and all his pals. Those people REALLY need to loosen up.

3. For those of you out there with "March Madness" and "Bracket Fever" and whatnot, this is just a reminder: there is a "rest of the world" and we don't care. Just a little something to keep in mind.

4. I don't know how many of you read the comics, but Non Sequitur has run a hilariously funny set of comics last week dealing with the media. You can check them out starting here: http://www.gocomics.com/nonsequitur/2007/03/13/.

5. I just found out that if you search Google for "backwards k," my blog is the number 4 entry! Tell all your friends, and let's see if we can get number 1!


And finally, a word from out sponsor:

"The right to be heard does not automatically include the right to be taken seriously."

Hubert H. Humphrey (1911 - 1978)

This post is in response to a post on my cousin Kristian's blog, Shocked and Awed. Read the post in question, along with comments here. For whatever reason, I'm having a hard time posting a comment on his blog, so I've decided to share my comment here, with all of you. Yes, it's political and yes, there's some harsh things in there, but that's the way I see it.

So, I just read the post from the other day, "Why a liberal can't vote Democrat." I just want to point out something: if you compare the casualty figures from Iraq to the casualty figures from Vietnam (something we're NEVER EVER supposed to do), you may notice a similarity.

In 10 years in Vietnam (1964-1975), approximately 1.5 million North Vietnamese died. In that same time, 58,226 American soldiers were listed as KIA or MIA, according to this website. In four years in Iraq, 3,162 Americans were KIA, and up to 655,000 Iraqi's (civilian and military) have been killed. That's about 207 Iraqis for every one American. Extrapolate those numbers to 10 years and you find that 7,905 Americans will have died to over 1.6 million Iraqis.

My point here is this: we killed 25 Vietnamese for every American that died in Vietnam, yet they still had the strength and the will to fight us. And they still turned to civil war as soon as the US left. In Iraq, we're killing anywhere from 17:1 (some estimates are as low as 55,000 Iraqis dead) to over 10 times that much, and they're still fighting. We can "stay the course" for 10, 15, or 20 years, the result will be the same. As it was for the British, and the Ottomans before them.

These people do not want Democracy, at least, not the secular democracy we're trying to force down their throats. Until the small minded religious views are sorted out, this part of the world will be nothing but a war zone, hostile to free thought and expression. Islam in this war is just a replacement for Communism, and as soon as the US leaves Iraq, it will devolve into sectarian violence (worse than it already has) and chaos, with local war lords controlling most of the country. There is nothing to prevent this, because the only people that can stop it are the Iraqis, and they're too busy arguing about something that happened 1300 years ago to worry about tomorrow. The longer Americans stay in this situation, the more of them will die. And, though it may make me a bad person to say it, they'll die for nothing. Because no one will be freed. No one will be saved.

Are the Iraqi's better off without Saddam? Only the Iraqis can answer that. Will 4,000 more American lives prevent the genocide that will come when the US leaves? Doubtful. I don't know if you're a betting man, but it seems to me that the safe bet is to leave, and try to contain the violence to Iraq. Pull US forces out of Baghdad and to the borders. Lock down Iraqi airspace. Keep the Iranians and Jordanians and Syrians out. Step out of the line of fire and let the Iraqis fight it out amongst themselves. Then maybe, MAYBE, there will be a chance for peace in Iraq. But no revolution of this kind (that would be religious, not political) can be achieved without blood. It just won't happen.

"I must study politics and war that my sons may have liberty to study mathematics and philosophy. My sons ought to study mathematics and philosophy, geography, natural history, naval architecture, navigation, commerce, and agriculture, in order to give their children a right to study painting, poetry, music, architecture, statuary, tapestry, and porcelain."

John Adams (1735 - 1826)

Good morning, kids. Hope you all remembered to set your clocks ahead today. Good, now we can get on with the silliness.

Popped on to Google News (now out of beta!) to find this little gem: Native American trackers to hunt bin Laden. All I really want to know is: WHY WEREN'T THEY SENT IN 5 YEARS AGO!!!! Sorry to raise my voice, but if this man is supposedly the number one priority for our government, then why has it taken so long and so many lives to send in the best trackers that we have? Could it maybe be that the government doesn't really want to find bin Laden? Could it be because the longer he is on the loose, the longer they can justify spending on ridiculous military programs? Could it be that Osama will be magically "found" somewhere around October of 2008, just in time for the Republicans to look REALLY good for the election? Or maybe in December 2008, as a final coup de gras to the Shrub administration? Can I add any more questions to this paragraph? Who wants to know?

Ok, now that THAT's out of the way, on to lighter fare: this week marked the re-opening of the Gramercy Theatre in NYC. The first night featured three bands: Beat the Devil, Monsters are Waiting, and stellastarr*. All three are "indie" bands (even tho stellastarr* has a record contract with RCA) and from Brooklyn. Beat the Devil and Monsters are Waiting were surprisingly good, in their own way. BTD was three people: a drummer, a bass/keyboard/bass drummer, and a female vocalist with a growl and harmonium. Very interesting, and when they put it all together, quite good. MAW wasn't bad either, very trippy and electronic, with a kind of pop/techno sound. More pop than techno. stellastarr* also played well, with a few catchy tunes, but I found them to be rather derivative: they were trying very hard to be an 80's band without being an 80's band. Think The Cure. Ah well.

So that show went well, and then Thursday was Charlie Louvin, with Laura Cantrell. We went from goth/electronica to classic country. We got both kinds a music here! Charlie Louvin is one half of the fabled country duo the Louvin Brothers, and at 79 years old, he puts on a good show. He's quick, lots of one liners between songs, and his voice is strong. He put together a fantastic band and gave the people a wonderful show.

Friday night we had a group of Liverpudlians (not to be confused with Lillipudlians) calling themselves Clinic. Their gimmick is that they wear surgical masks and scrubs on stage, while playing a kind of punk/pop that can only be described as repetitive. While they have a fairly unique sound and I did like one or two of the songs, hearing them over and over for 1 1/2 hours was a little tedious. But I digress. The band that opened for them was called Holy F*** (without the ***). While that wasn't my first reaction (it was more like "What the f***?), and it wasn't my final analysis, it wasn't terrible. They certainly had fun playing. And I did too, believe it or not. Their brand of electronic punk is perfect for lighting: go nuts, push every button and see what happens. Woo Hoo! Here's some pics from Friday:

Holy F***

Clinic

Well, that's about all for now. Keep your noses clean and don't forget to brush!

"Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build a bridge even where there is no river."

Nikita Khrushchev (1894 - 1971)

So, today I learned a valuable lesson: your tiny screw up today can make someone else's life hell in ten years. Now, I had a nice little entry prepared for all about how much fun I had in Phoenix: about how great the company we rented the gear from was; how fantastic it was working for a client who actually took the time to make sure we ATE; how I got to play golf on Sunday, even tho it was only 9 holes and I played terribly; about how I ran into Charlie Moore (who apparently got my father so drunk on the night I was born... well, we won't go into that); about how I hung out with Rob Grasso (who apparently went to Clifton High with my Uncle DJ, and I quote "Oh, yeah, I went to high school with DJ. Wow, how old does that make ME?"); and about how awesome the Great Lawn that I lit looked (the hotel people were asking if we could just leave the lights there. I told them that wasn't my decision, but I'd be happy to come back and do it again.) But nooooooooooooo. No, tonight, I'm going to tell you all about how some toolbag 10 years ago ruined my day today by not following procedure.

You see, today started my run at the Grammercy Theatre in NYC. Last October, Live Nation bought the Grammercy and began turning it into a concert venue. When BML was hired to install the lighting rig, they tapped me to run it. Very cool. A great opportunity. But we can't pay you your full rate. But it's a great opportunity. And if I wasn't excited about it, I guess I would be more p. o.'d. But I digress. SO, when I got to the Grammercy today and turned on the dimmer rack, it started acting weird. None of the lights would come on. And one of the little warning LED's was on. The one that said "Over Voltage." I knew this was bad. Especially since this was the second dimmer rack sent in because the first was having the same problem. SO I pulled out my trusty meter to check the power: 109v on phase A (too low); 132 v on phase B (too high); 138v on phase C (Ludicrous speed, GO!). And 25v on the ground/neutral (really, really, REALLY bad. Like letting the magic smoke out bad.) Well, what to do? Go to the disconnect, start at the start, right? So, meter the disconnect: 123v on line A (good); 123v on line B (really good), 120v on line C (disco). And 0v on the ground/ neutral. Hmm... what could possibly cause THAT? (for those of you without electronics training, your normal, everyday, household power should be 120v, 60 Hz. This means that, 60 times, every second, there are 120v of electrical pressure on the line, creating the potential for work (measured in watts) to be done. Any variation of more than 10 v in this line can cause your electrical appliance to A. not work (too low) or B. burn (too high). So in this case, 138v is bad. Not as bad as say, 480v, but bad nonetheless. So, everyone got that? Good.) So, you're probably asking yourself, but Mikey, what does this have to do with the jerk 10 years ago? (actually, you're probably asking yourself, Self, why have you read this far into this crap? Don't you have something better to do, like emptying the litter box or putting bamboo shoots in your toenails? Well, I'll tell you: no, you obviously don't.) You see, the reason for my way off the mark readings is because some tool bag installed an electrical box with two neutrals, BUT ONLY CONNECTED ONE. And then he left the wire for the disconnected one HANGING LOOSE with NO INSULATION at all! So when I came along and said "Hey, this looks like my place to tie in to power! I'll just plug in here" and plugged in the neutral to the disconnected plug, it caused the power to run to the panel box that the bare wire was touching, creating a ground fault and potentially deadly situation. So, toolbag from Production Arts who installed this stupid panel: thank you, for wasting 4 hours of my life. And thank you, for ALMOST KILLING ME. I really appreciate it, and hope that the 15 seconds you saved by taking a shortcut were well spent, and not spent on crap like this.

Ok, I'm done now. You really should check out that last link tho. It's true, I'm convinced. Don't say I didn't warn you... sorry about the rant. Next time I'll have one on that dried up old c-word Ann Coulter, and her homo-hatin' ways, but I'm just tapped out right now.

"Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people."

Robert Benchley (1889 - 1945)

Hey Gang! Chillin' here in Phoenix, where the temperature is a chilly 66 deg F. Hope you're all keeping warm! So, just a quickie: 1. for those of you who are "sarcastically challenged" (I know who you are), my comment about getting engaged not being "important" is supposed to be a JOKE! Get it!?! I put it a the END of the post, after all kinds of other, not really significant CRAP and said it wasn't a big deal. HA HA HA!

2. I saw this sign the other day as we wandered thru a mall (we're really working hard. Honest, Mom.)

Now, I think it needs to be said that crabs are not cool. Ever. Not that I would know from personal experience, but it really is kinda gross.

"The capacity of human beings to bore one another seems to be vastly greater than that of any other animal."

H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956)